I feel so lost when it comes to knowing that I'm supposed to do with my life! Although I love my job, and the company I work for.... I hate working while I have a baby who is growing up so fast, and I don't have the time with her that I had always dreamed I would have with my children.
This week especially though, has been difficult. Sophie has gone from having two consistant babysitters, to only one. But, Sophie's only babysitter now, has broken her foot, and has been advised to take it easy for 4 weeks. So, now... I'm struggling to find babysitters for FOUR WEEKS. Poor Sophie has been to 4 different people's homes in the past week and a half. Most of whom she's only met a couple of times. Thankfully, Sophie is very easy-going and adaptable, but still... I just don't think it's right!
I started off my work year with 1 month paid vacation, and I'm down to 9 days left! Forget having a family vacation this year, because I need to save these days for the times when Sophie is sick, or doesn't have a babysitter. I'm burnt out and exhausted and I just don't want to do this anymore! I don't want to be a full-time working mother. I just want to be a full-time mother. If I could do that, then I wouldn't need to rely on anyone else to watch my kid every day. Just finding someone to watch Sophie is exhausting in itself. I can't afford day care ($1,200 every month in this area). So... all I can do is rely on other people to watch Sophie, and this drives me crazy!
What can I do? How can I be a stay at home mom? Please pray for me... because this my mind is struggling with that to do! Thank you!
Main Slot Di Hutan Rimba
2 years ago
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Oh Alisha,
That post brought tears to my eyes! I can only imagine your frustration! I wish we lived closer so Sophie could spend her days with me :) God knows your heart and I'm going to pray that he will give you your heart's desire. When I was pregnant with Christian I knew I wanted to stay home and Ryan really wanted me too also. But the finances didn't add up at all. So we started cutting all our expenses (cable/internet/phone) and they still didn't add up. But we decided to take the plunge and if necessary Ryan would work another job or I would do home daycare or we would sell our house. We didn't have much of a plan but we figured we would just figure it out. The month Christian was born Ryan quit the job he loved to go work a job he hated just so we could have more money. That first year of Christian's life was pretty miserable for Ryan b/c he hated going to work and he worked all the time (he ended up working the second job)and we never saw him. It was hard, but I was thankful I was home. The month Christian turned one a God Thing happened. Ryan's old boss called him and offered him his old job back (with a lot more responsiblity) and they offered him more money. It took a year of getting out of the boat and almost sinking to be able to see God move in a big way! Looking back it all looks so easy and picture perfect but it was awful and very STRESSFUL. But the reward has been great and the Lord knew I needed to be home to not only take care of Christian but to be able to take care of our Marshall cousins too. I know that God has a different plan for every family, so please don't think I'm telling you to just quit your job and hope for the best. I know you can't just do that, but I'm going to pray right now that you will have wisdom and that God will open the right doors in your life, whether it's a great daycare provider for Sophie or a new more flexible job for you or a relocation for your whole family (like to Greencastle maybe :) Pray with Paul about it and God will give you guys the wisdom together to make the right decisions. Hang in there! I'm praying!
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